Emails – A Short, Well-Defined Essay

Your ideal business email is a short, well-defined essay. Many healthcare professionals think of an essay as a long, drawn-out composition that they had to do in high school, but never had to do again and that holds little value to everyday, clinical practice. As a result, when the modern healthcare system puts them in a position to write a business email, it can easily become too long, rambling, clunky, and unfocused. In contrast, a well-done business email is focused, flows naturally, and short but long enough to get the job done. 

A big part of making your emails like well-focused essays is to take an extra few moment and organize your thoughts. 

 

A hypothetical example:  

Poorly formed essay: 

I discussed the recollection of last week’s incident with the doctor who was present, the nurse’s aide who was present, and the member of the housekeeping team who was present. Each one of them had a different perspective and a different recollection of events. In some cases, the recollection was contradictory. I interviewed the patient who reported the initial incident. I spoke to him at length. He recounted what he remembered in detail, but when I asked for clarification of specific points, his story changed. To sum up, it is not clear which story is to be believed, if any.  

Well-formed essay: 

I would like to address the patient concerns from the incident last week. I have spoken to the parties involved: the doctor, the nurse’s aide, the housekeeper, and the patient. Each person has a somewhat different point of view and a cohesive picture cannot be obtained. Additionally, the patient’s own story changed not a few times during my interview. 

The poorly formed version reads like a person rambling a bit. It has poor focus. The well-formed version consolidates the main points of the findings, cuts down the repetition, and highlights the pertinent details. 

 

Another hypothetical example: 

Poorly formed essay: 

Thanks for letting me test the upgrades from the EMR vendor. I found the user interface more intuitive and easier to navigate. However, navigating the basic order sets was a little bit tricky in that section. Also there was a time lag when switching between screens. The buttons and boxes on the screen were a little bit glitchy. Startup times were better than the current version. Reach out to me if you need more details.  

Well-formed essay: 

Thanks for letting me test the upgrades from the EMR vendor. I found that some points had improved and other points had actually worsened. 

Points that improved included a more intuitive user interface, overall ease of navigation, and improved startup times. 

Points that worsened included navigation within the orderset function, increased lag time between switching screens, and glitchiness in the buttons and boxes on the screen. 

Reach out to me if you need more details. 

In this example, I put separate sections for things that worsened and things that improved in the EMR, and I spaced them out so that each section was physically separated from the other, which helps separate the ideas for the reader.  

 

As you can see in the examples above, relatively small changes can make a big difference in how your readers perceive your emails. 

To learn more about ways to refine your business writing as a healthcare professional, please check out my book: A Business Writing Toolkit For Healthcare Professionals

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